Do you Juice?

I like to try new things... especially ones that are very complicated, take a lot of preparation and time and consume large amounts of money.  Those kind I am the best at.  So... after a year of DIY home decorating, summer of gardening and moving into a new place, I was looking for a new and complex hobby for snowy days.

Then I found juicing.

And not this simple kind

But this professional kind

Have you tried it?  If you have, hopefully this is going to sound all too familiar.  If not, this is going to be like one of those read the entire set of instructions before you try for yourself thing.

Here it goes.

I first got my inspiration from some health or yoga magazine highlighting the benefits of juicing.  Then once I came across a DIY Juicing Cleanse website, it was all downhill from there.  It sounded right up my alley.

Don't really remember how it happened, but before I knew it I had already read through the entire consumer reports juicers section and had a juicer on its way to my house in under an hour.

I was so excited and anxious that I couldn't help making a grocery list and heading to Kroger's produce section to spend 2 hours of my life in search of every fruit and vegetable that I had both heard of and never in my life heard of.  It was one of those times that the teenage checker-outer has to ask me what ever item was in order to ring it up.  That should have been my first clue.

So, with a jam-packed refrigerator, I patiently waited the whole 2 days that it took Amazon to ship my new juicer to me.  I should explain that between my roommate and myself's fully double-stocked kitchen electronics collection, we didn't have a juicer.  We have 2 blenders, a food processor and some other food chopper with 3 or 4 attachments.  But of course, in order to really commit to this juicing plan, I just had to have a REAL juicer.  The other similar kitchen electronics just wouldn't do.

Aaaaahhhhhhhh (imagine the sound in your head), 2 days later there it arrived!  My beautiful new, humungous machine that could chew up and extract every single drop of liquid from anything.  Amazing.

After work, I had a plan.  I got my recipes together, food prepared and 20-part juicer together and ready.  I was so anxious about trying my first homemade cleansing juice that I probably trampled Ashley in the kitchen.

Oh, another side-note.  I have heard that people do this strange food ritual for many different reasons: weight loss, the health benefits of raw food, detoxifying.  I didn't really have a good reason.  It sounded interesting and fun and I assumed that since I love both fruit and vegetables a lot that I would try this "cleanse".  Although I'm still not really sure what a cleanse is.

Okay, back to the program.  I turned the juicer on and starting gently mashing things into the intake valve.  Immediately the machine starting shaking and making the sound of small dinosaur while eating, spinning and spitting out the de-juiced carrot into the trash container.  And after going through this process with an additional 10 carrots, about 1/8 cup slowly started dripping out of the magical juice shoot.

What?!?!  This can't be serious!  Holy moly, I thought, this is going to take A TON of food.  Good thing I had 15 pounds of fresh produce in the fridge.

And a ton it required.  I continued following the DIY recipes and filled up every single pretty beverage receptor in the house.

I was on a roll.  By the time I got to the end, I was deaf, exhausted and 100% disgusted.  I even had to stop and have a snack in the middle.

Once I had some brian fuel, I, for the first time so far, realized that I was going to have to drink roughly 6 LITERS of juice per day!  I almost was sick thinking about it, but I was still 90% excited.

I took a picture of my work.  Pretty aren't they.  Want to guess the flavors?

(From the left to the right, beet-carrot-ginger juice, green apple and spinach juice, and pineapple-can't remember juice.  Oh, and the one behind those is the spicy lemonade)

So, I made a deal with myself.  I would start the cleanse in the morning.  I had 6 unique juices, each containing its unique set of body benefits, ready to go.

I started the first one on the way to work and actually finished the entire liter of liquid green leafy vegetables and apples.  Green = good, right?  I was so proud that I photo documented this feat.

Tolerating it, but not thrilled, I continued.

Midmorning at work, I started drinking my morning snack - spicy lemonade.  I have seen this cocktail in quite a few cleansing recipes, but had never tried it.  Paprika + fresh lemons = super duper sweet & sour + extra spicy.  From the top of my head down through my whole body, a wave of heat and red color covered my skin.  Then I got made fun of.  I tried hard to finish it and I almost did had it not been for the 2 pounds of paprika sitting at the bottom of the container.

By lunch time, I was craving solid food (already), but I pushed on.  I started my beet-root cocktail (which I was excited about because I LOVE beets) which really tasted more like a container of spicy ginger.  Yuck.  I overload this cocktail with so much ginger I thought that I was going to die, so naturally at this point I quit.

Oh no.  I only made it 6 hours and quit.  That is pathetic.  But I chalked it up to the fact that the last one's ingredient blend was off, ate some solid food (probably chicken tenders), and said that I was going to have the 4th one for dinner.  And at this point, I got made fun of again.  This time for being a quitter.

I tried the last one once I got home from work, and being pleasantly surprised at the flavor of pineapple, decided that this would be my dessert, and had a real solid-food dinner.

I never finished the pineapple one.

So then that was the real end.   Mostly because 1) it was gross 2) I didn't want to go though the process of making the juice again already, I was still scarred from the night before and 3) why again couldn't I just eat the entire piece of fruit or vegetable?

Oh, and just one little tip for prep time.  Do NOT put all your fruit and vegetable peel in the garbage disposal.  If you do, like I did, you will have a clogged disposal, kitchen full of water, an not pleased roommate and an happy plumber.

My professional juicer sits in a kitchen cabinet in mint condition.  I have not used it since.  So, after reading about my experience and you are still interested in juicing, I would be happy to let you borrow my juicer.

I also have failed to try any diet or cleansing fad since.  I put my efforts towards things like growing vegetables and staying cool in the summer sun with spoonfuls of ice cream.